But now that I am no longer a mere freelancer who works from home wearing 3-day-old PJs as I type, MOST of my day, every weekday, is spent writing. Or thinking of what to write. Which again is great. But it also made me realise:
Why on earth should I CURATE my own BLOG when I am already doing so much "controlled" writing at work?
Mandatory disclaimer in case people think I'm complaining: Not that I'm stifled at work or anything of the sort because I do get to put in a lot of my own voice and opinions in my articles. But writing for a magazine requires a level of professionalism - which means no vulgarities, overtly sexual stuff, and y'knw unsavoury content in general.
And as everyone knows, I am the master of unsavoury content.
I am fully aware that, as a female, I should be using the word "mistress" instead, but "mistress" brings to mind some wanton woman who's a third party. "Master" has mild BDSM vibes if your mind is diry enough but hey at least that's better than being a homewrecker.
But I digress.
I guess when you're writing professionally on a full-time basis, the difference between writing for work and writing for yourself becomes more apparent to you. You yearn to pepper your prose with your usual "fuck"s and dick jokes as per your speech, and the little self-expressive writing you do in the form of Instagram captions and Facebook posts just isn't enough.
What's the point of a blog when the content is so curated? When the language is so filtered? When the writer's personality does not fully come through?
W H A T W A S I T H I N K I N G
It is true that a portion of my past content is embarrassing and perhaps immature to an extent (the earlier posts circa 2011 - 2014) and also, towards the end, laden with emotional baggage that's now been settled and I didn't want all that stuff hanging around so I suppose clearing everything out and having some sort of focus would maybe help mitigate that in future posts. I mean, you can't exactly let much of your inner bitch shine through while you're mostly talking about makeup can you. But then again there exists people like Jeffee Star, so.
But, nah. Fuck that. I'm just gonna be me, and unapologetically so. And if I sound bitchy, so be it. I'm not here to please people. My blog is, and has always been, an extension of myself. Even at the age of 11 when I first started getting into it. And I have never, never been the kind of person to sell out for the sake of fame/popularity/free shit. Plus, my job gives me free shit that cannot compare to any other free shit. No, it's not some intangible free shit like "job satisfaction" and "a sense of purpose" (although I get those too).
So, yes, this blog is back, and it WILL again be the blog that I and many of you friends have come to know (and dare I say, love) over the years.
Maybe I procrastinated for so long because a part of me secretly didn't want to write a blog full of self-inflicted restrictions. *englightenment*
Wow. I haven't been able to type long unbridled streams of my thoughts in SUCH a long time and this felt so good.
