Taipei Day 1: Modern Toilet Restaurant (9 Nov 2017)

Oh, Rachel. Back at it again with the backdated posts.

I feel like I can't move on and talk about more current events (as current as they can get, with my level of procrastination) if I don't at least write about my trip to Taipei with Nicholas from November last year. After all it was our first trip together so this milestone deserves to be documented beyond just photos. :)

Pretty sure most Singaporean couples start small with their first trips and pick nearer spots like the holy B trinity - Bangkok, Bali, Batam (all of which I've never been to). Wait, was it Batam or Bintan? I don't even know the difference between the two, they're both in Indonesia and sound similar and have pretty much the same activities so whatev HAHA. Anyway, I've had people asking me why we picked Taiwan for a first trip, isn't that too ambitious blahblahblah...nothing is too ambitious if you're going with the right person so I don't really see what the big deal is?

I also tend to operate by the GO BIG OR GO HOME philosophy.

The holy B trinity was never part of my travel bucket list. I've always set my sights higher on further places like France, Greece, Japan, USA, etc etc. Typical Singaporeans enjoy doing pretty much nothing but shopping, eating, and lazing about while on holiday, so the holy B trinity is ideal for them, but if I'm going to spend money on a vacation I'd much rather go for one where I can enjoy richer experiences (and by richer I don't mean in the monetary sense). I mean, why would I want to spend a few hundred bucks on a flight and hotel to do unexciting things like lying on a beach towel for hours and stuffing my face all day? It might be relatively affordable when compared to other destinations but I just don't feel like that $300+ spent is justified.

Sure, the clothes in Bangkok may be dirt cheap, but the clothes there are not my style so I'll probably walk away empty handed. I wouldn't fork out even just $3 for a basic bitch off-shoulder crop top that any generic Singaporean hoe is wearing. I would never go on holiday specifically to shop and as it is I'm perfectly content buying my Japanese knockoffs from Taobao.

That, and also 'cause I got stressed and started crying (for real HAHA) and saying we were gonna get mugged or kidnapped while attempting to book tix to Bangkok in 2016. So we decided to save up for a nicer, safer, cleaner destination instead.

In the plane!

Eww he's like a totally different person with his glasses on HAHAHA

The only reason why I even considered Bangkok back then because I know it's a place Nicholas wants to visit. But evidently I wasn't able to put aside my own reservations to actually let the trip materialise HAHA. One day in the not-so-distant future I would like to be that good girlfriend and make that trip happen (and I'm sure it'd be fun because as far as I'm concerned we'd plan for beyond the typical touristy shit) but...maybe today is not the day. 😂

Since we couldn't afford Japan at that time, Taiwan seemed like the most natural choice because it's like a more budget-friendly, Chinese version of it. And best of all there's no language barrier! (As shitty as my Mandarin may be I'm still adept enough to ask for directions and have a basic conversation okay) It was also supposed to be both our first times in a country we've never been to before, but work unexpectedly took that first Taiwan experience away from me a month before our trip. Luckily our itinerary was completely different and most of my work trip was spent in Taichung anyway, so everything worked out nicely yay.

~ Wonstar Hotel Ximen ~

Congratulations if you made it past my 600+ word intro

If anyone's interested, we got our Tigerair flights and 4-night hotel stay at Wonstar Hotel Ximen at about $544 per person (including breakfast, baggage, and taxes) off Expedia. It's quite a no-frills place, our room wasn't huge and there was no bathtub, but there was just enough space for both of us (and for me to leave my clothes and makeup all lying around). Well not like we were going to spend a lot of time indoors anyway so it was good enough.

The room was actually nicer than we expected and it had this simple but fresh design that was different from - and much better than - what we saw on Expedia. Turns out the hotel was recently renovated and Expedia didn't update their photos, so what we were met with was a pleasant surprise.

The corridors also had quirky touches like these:

With my pink luggage from Giant which I bought at 50% off ($35 only!!!) thanks to GSS. Haha don't be fooled, this photo was actually taken just before we left for the airport on our last day (hence the lack of eye makeup). Procrastination 101.

The buffet breakfast was cheena style - no croissants, no bacon. Even the eggs were cooked in a cheena way. I should've known, we were in Taiwan after all! I mostly survived on toast, braised tau pok, and sausages every morning and didn't touch anything else HAHA at least the sausages were the Western sort!!! The food wasn't bad, but I'm the kind of person who needs my pastries and English breakfasts.

Part of the reason why we decided to go for the buffet breakfast was because we were noobs and didn't know that there would be loads of street food and convenience stores in the vicinity -_-

~ Modern Toilet Restaurant + street mochi ~

We arrived in the late afternoon/early evening and by the time we checked in it was dinner time. So our agenda for the day was just to visit the poop-themed Modern Toilet Restaurant, which was less than a 10-minute walk from our hotel.

I love making poop jokes, telling everyone graphic details about my poop sessions, and well, pooping. And I've seen countless videos about this place since I was a kid, so I'm glad I finally fulfilled my childhood dream of visiting it! (Clearly I didn't have very high aspirations in life)

TOILET BOWLS FOR SEATS!!! Wow these toilet bowls are actually very pretty, if you look closely you'll see sand and shells and uhm dead starfish in the transparent covers. I need to have such a pretty toilet bowl in my future home!!! After all what's a queen without her throne?

We made a reservation in advance so we were led up to the 2nd floor which was empty save for another couple. This place will probably ALWAYS be a tourist hotspot, so unless you wanna sit with the crowd downstairs, it's best to make a booking online.

 POOP, POOP EVERYWHERE!!!!! Hmm I wonder if they have regular patrons who are scat fetishists...

Even the table had a piece of shit in it, how very appetising

As with most themed cafes we expected the food to be not too great, so we skipped all the Western  stuff like pasta and shared a hotpot - because it's quite impossible to fuck that up. I mean it's just soup and ingredients thrown in, right? The soup wasn't particularly tasty but it was decent enough with the sauce. We also ordered mozzarella sticks because you can't exactly fuck mozzarella up either, and that was quite nice.

The hotpot came with some ice-cream that was coiled up like a piece of poop. It was cute but tasted like blended up ice mixed with cheapo chocolate and we could actually feel some tiny ice chunks inside. Oh well. Guess you could say it was.............shit. *ba dum tss*

Imagine if someone actually shat this much in a urinal

I wouldn't visit this place again but it was something that definitely had to be done so I don't regret it! Not visiting this toilet restaurant when in Taiwan is like not going to Shake Shack when in New York!!! Except that I would totally visit Shake Shack again cos the burgers are SO. GOOD.

A random shithead

More shitheads. We grabbed the poop stuffed toy from the shelves as props. Check out the flies on the wall.

 Booth seat shaped like a toilet bowl

 EVEN THE SINKS ARE TOILET BOWL-SHAPED. They really pulled out all the stops, man.

🎵 I'M A POOPY POOPER,YEAH!!!! (Sung to the tune of the Spongebob Goofy Goober song) 🎵

Spent a fair bit of time taking photos, and then we tried some mochi on a stick from a street stall a stone's throw away. We liked the mochi so much that we went back for it 2 more times throughout our 5-day stay. It's prepared on the spot so it's fresh and hot!

 Looks like pee but it's really honey

My favourite was the one with honey, but they also have other flavours like peanut and matcha. The milk one was horrible for some reason, it was supposed to be condensed milk but it had a very smelly taste?? Like, you know how when you eat mutton you can kind of "taste" the farm?? Yeah, this condensed milk had that kind of smell/taste bleaurghhhh after that I just stuck to honey all the way.

Check out the sign, they spelled Mochi as Mgchi HAHAHA.

Trying the Melon Kiwano, a very strange fruit, for the first time

A while back (actually, MONTHS back because I'm a procrastinator who can't keep my blog together) Nicholas and I came across some Giant atrium sale at Plaza Singapura with all sorts of expensive imported foodstuff like wine and fancy biscuits and whatnot. And we were about to leave after a bit because there were no free samples of anything (boooo!) when we spotted a whole cation of this alien-looking thing at a rather small and inconspicuous fruit section:

Learnt from the signage that it's not some alien egg waiting to hatch some monstrosity that would take over our country Starship Troopers style, but a MELON KIWANO from New Zealand. And that it was previously a whopping $9.90, reduced to $6.99 (still very expensive). Yes, a mere fruit supposedly worth 10 bucks and it's not even Japanese. I'm not some White people/White country hater, okay, I think fruits from New Zealand are great too! But c'mon Japanese fruits are of a whole different class and when you put them on your tongue you're basically tasting heaven.

I just don't eat fruits from China because you don't know whether the fruits you're eating are actually fruits or just solid products of chemical mixtures masquerading as fruits. Ever heard of fake China eggs? Search up the vids on YouTube, it's frightening. Also, my dad's friend says that every time he eats Fuji apples from China he gets a tummy ache. I'm not surprised.

Hahaha look at these curious things unceremoniously chucked next to the peasant apples like they're no big deal. Okay to be fair, these melon kiwano were laid out in pretty baskets. The apples only got cardboard cartons.

Imagine if you had that many nipples!!! Actually upon closer inspection they look like pimples ready to explode with pus. Nipples pimples nipples pimples nipples pimples. Say that really fast 5x.

Stood there for about 10 minutes marvelling over the strange fruit and playing with them while deciding whether or not to buy them. In the end we decided to just splash the $$$ because how often do you even come across such a specimen?? Plus it was on offer anyway.

According to the mighty Internet you're supposed to cut a melon kiwano lengthwise and scoop the flesh out to eat it, much like how you'd eat a passionfruit. And so we got to work. The scraping was rather tedious and the end result didn't look too appetising. Squelch. Squelch. Squelch. By the time we got to the second half of the fruit we were already quite tired.

Now, also according to the might Internet, the melon kiwano tastes like a cross between a cucumber and kiwi, though apparently it starts tasting more like a banana as it ripens. I know it's difficult to imagine such a taste because the combination sounds impossible, but whoever came up with that description was pretty spot on! On first impression it did have a cucumbery taste, and not just because of the cucumber seed-like texture of the flesh. But soon after that I got a slight banana taste. As strange as this sounds - imagine eating a banana with the texture of cucumber seeds. The aftertaste was a little sharper and sourish so I'm guessing that was the kiwi bit, although it also kind of tasted like pineapple (?) to me?

Verdict: The experience was definitely interesting, but I'm not going to actively seek out this fruit because it's not something I'd ever find myself craving (unlike other fruits like watermelon or strawberry). Don't regret trying it though! Maybe we'll buy it again 10 years later just to relive the experience for fun, but other than that I don't see myself eating it again anytime soon.

When I first started writing this post a couple of months ago this fruit started appearing EVERYWHERE but I haven't really seen it around lately, not sure if it's because it's out of season or if there's just no demand. It IS pretty pricey as well, even at neighbourhood fruit stalls, so that's probably a turnoff to most people too.

Trash > Human

So I had a real shit day the other day, which began with a bad start at work. I can't bitch about what people at work did here but let's just say I was PISSED.

Then I found a random new feathery cat toy on the floor so I thought I'd play with Eraser...she was jumping and running all over the place like she was on steroids but I suspect she became agitated from all the (over?)stimulation and she got super angsty. She didn't wanna be pet and everytime I went over to stroke her she'd get up, walk a few steps away, and sit back down again. Note that this is not normal because out of everyone in the office, Eraser loves me the most and that is a fact (will blog about her sometime!!!)

Eraser being unhappy made me unhappy and I didn't want her to be unhappy so I left her to cool down by herself. She then came back to me and sat under my desk for a little cat nap but then the ass crack of the sky decided to split apart and let out horrifying bouts of thunder and lightning and she got scared and jumpy :( SAD SMOOSHYPOO = SAD RACHIEPOO. Plus thunderstorms get me all depressed too.

AND THEN I was looking forward to my damn overdue hair treatment after work but even THAT, a PAMPERING SESSION, turned out to be one of the WORST parts of my day.

So a few months back I bought this scalp treatment package from Jean Yip. I normally wouldn't even THINK of patronising Jean Yip because I've seen a lot of my friends go in there for haircuts and emerge fugly, but I went for a free trial sesh (with the full intention of rejecting the hard selling that would come later) and that shit actually WORKED like there was a significant difference in the "before" and "after" scans - in the sense that my scalp was less oily and follicles less clogged - so I signed up for a 10-session package at a special first-time-customer price of less than $50 per treament. With the intention of never renewing my package and going DIY instead because after that the prices will just go up and anything more than $50 for a place like Jean Yip is too much.

The person who does the hair shit for me there is one of the more senior staff, and I booked my appointment under her as usual. But that day she was nowhere to be found and this random Malaysian ah lian did it for me. I highly suspect she was a trainee becuase she was inexperienced as fuck, kept poking me with her fucking nails and when she washed my hair SHE USED HER FUCKING NAILS ON MY SCALP.

She didn't even make sure the water was cool enough and even the mere act of WRAPPING THE TOWEL AROUND MY HEAD caused me pain. I don't know how either, but I guess it takes a certain kind of stupid to do that.

WTF. I hope she punctures her nostrils with her nails when she digs her nose and her nose will require plastic surgery to look the same again except when she gets plastic surgery her nose will end up even uglier than it was before. And also the same for her anus when she's wiping her butt.

I really REALLY regret not fucking her up. The only reason why I didn't was because I was already too damn tired and had no energy to let my not-so-inner bitch dragon out. Nvm, I know her name and during my next treatment I will complain to my regular person. That is, if they don't give me yet ANOTHER stupid Malaysian ah lian.

I'll have you know my scalp has never felt so stressed in my life and IT STILL HURT EVEN AFTER 30 MINUTES FROM THE END OF TREATMENT WTF. WHAT THE FUCK DO I PAY $50 A MONTH FOR? To get my scalp DAMAGED??? JEEZ.

I HOPE SHE GOES BALD BY 30 BUT ALL HER HAIR IN UNDESIRABLE PLACES WILL THICKEN BY THE DOUBLE.

Malaysian ah lians, Malaysian ah lian standards...GET ME OUTTA HERE.

Anyway, Malaysian chao ah lians or not, I've already decided that once this package ends I'm going to just rely on Lush's Roots scalp mask and have it DIY style.

I'll tell you guys about how the hair treatment works if I remember next time/if I don't have anything better to talk about (ie probably never lo) but anyway back to that fateful day.

Blah blah blah and then I got on my feeder bus and just as I was about to sit down, I noticed a piece of folded up paper on the seat next to mine. Like what the fuck, after all this I still gotta deal with TRASH? But hey, I thought, better trash than human. If the trash on the next seat allows me to sit in complete solitude, why not right? Anyway it was just paper, not some crumpled up mucus-drenched piece of tissue.

As the bus drove off and I was already comfortably seated alone, I somehow decided to pick up the piece of paper and unfolded it. Lo and behold..............

IT WAS A $1 VOUCHER FOR SOME GOOD PIZZA. AND IT WASN'T EVEN EXPIRED. FUCK YEAH.

Moral of the story? Trash > human.

United States of Depression

This time last year (at time of writing, 8.10pm) I was very much close to tears, trying to navigate my way out of unfriendly JFK airport alone -- with no internet, and baggage I could barely pull along (both the luggage sort and emotional sort) without having to stop every so often for a rest.

As bloody cliched as it sounds, that semi-spontaneously booked grad trip, also my first visit to the United States of America, changed parts of me forever. And one year on, I still feel an unexplainable sense of wistfulness towards that place.

It's upsetting, because the America I dreamed of my entire life, which I finally met in person and fell more and more in love with the longer I stayed on, isn't the same America of today. Or maybe it is. Maybe it always was, and all that it needed was a just little push for a domino unravelling of fucked up events. Maybe the American Dream is pretty much just what it is -- a dream.

But for what it's worth, I was the happiest I had ever been in a long time there. And despite being in a rather good and happy place in my life right now, I daresay I wish I could relive that entire trip again. Every. single. part. of. it.

More often than I realise, and more often that I should, I transport myself back there through the tumultuous showreel in my mind. But as reality would have it, all I have with me are a few hundred pictures, slowly-fading memories, and a year-old Snapple bottlecap.

Sometimes I still find myself on Google Maps, zooming in and out on New York City's sprawling grids, trying to search for a piece of my soul.

I left (part of) my heart in New York and I wonder if I'll ever get it back.